How To Not Need The Approval Of Others

By Jane Lamason

Mar 08
How To Not Rely On The Approval Of Others

How often do you stop yourself from doing something which feels right to you because you are worried that it might not be the right thing to do by others? You are not alone. The approval of others is something many of us look for however there is only one person you need approval from.

I prefer to get my approval from – are you ready for this radical concept? – me. There I said it. I hear the whispers, “what sort of selfish lunatic is she?”

Worrying about having the approval of others can be devasting to your self-esteem. According to research, we overestimate how often we’re thought of by other people and how negative these thoughts are.


Contrary to our beliefs we are not the centre of the universe for most others.


Our worries often don’t align to the reality but the stress and anxiety that they create are detrimental to our mental wellbeing. Learning to worry less about the approval of others is a huge step in our mental wellbeing. Here are some tips to help.

Stop Judging Yourself

How you see yourself certainly has some bearing on how you think others see you so if your beliefs about yourself are negative, you may be expecting to see them reflected in the actions of other people.

Give yourself some love. Treat yourself the same way that you’d like to be treated by others and suddenly their approval becomes less important. Once you stop judging yourself, spend time channelling your energy in more positive ways.

Move Away From Cultural Norms

Do you feel that you have to act in a certain way for people to like and accept you?

Feeling the need to be part of the crowd drains your energy. Give yourself permission to live the way you want. If you answer to anyone at all, make it yourself. Focus on how you can be a better version of yourself not a better vision to others.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is about being completely present therefore it is a great way to filter out the past and worry for the future. Being present means we are not concentrating on that time that you wore that outfit to your 50th that made you look like a sick green tree frog or worrying about what the heck you are going to wear to fit in with those 30 something mothers at that school get together next week.

Practice mindfulness regularly and it will become natural for you to live in the present. The past has happened and can’t hurt you anymore and the future hasn’t happened, so it definitely can’t hurt you!

Fulfil Your Passions

Channel your energies into doing things that make you happy and bring you joy. As a bonus, you’ll meet people who share the same interests and passions as you. When you’re operating from a place where you feel purposeful and aligned what other people think will be so much less important.

Be More Centred

We often define ourselves through our relationships and this can mean that we’re caught up in how other people see us but the stress and anxiety that that can cause can be detected by those people and so can affect the quality of those relationships.

Projecting confidence and being obviously comfortable in your own skin will draw people to you. Being a kind and generous person will keep them there.

You can’t control what others think about you but adopting a less self-centred approach gives you the compassion to recognize that it’s less about you and more about them.

How To Not Rely On The Approval Of Others

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